Everything sounds sweeter in a Southern drawl — even phrases with less-than-gracious intentions. Southerners don’t necessarily have the market cornered on insults, but ask anyone with a Southern grandmother, and they can probably rattle off a few one-liners ranging from backhanded compliments and thinly-veiled insults to outright venom. We all know and love a good bless your heart, but just for fun, we’ve compiled a list of our favorite sassy Southernisms that make us smile (or seethe, depending on the context).
A matter of intelligence
Of course, it’s not polite to comment outright on someone’s mental fitness or lack thereof. So, around the South, you might hear phrases like these instead …
- The porch light’s on, but no one’s home.
- Her biscuit’s not done in the middle, but we love her.
- He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed (or the brightest bulb in the box, or the sweetest cookie in the batch).
- “Sammy’s so confused, he doesn’t know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.” — a favorite quote from Steel Magnolias.
Putting up appearances
Appearances aren’t everything. But we can’t help but notice …
- That’s a little like putting lipstick on a pig, isn’t it?
- She’s cute, but I wouldn’t put her on a float.
- I bet those shoes sure are comfortable.
- I love your new haircut. It looks SO much better!
- She’s got a great personality.
- How creative! I could never pull that off.
Social graces
When folks miss the mark — or live in a way that we simply would never — old-school Southerners are ready with a few choice phrases designed to make a subtle point and move right along …
- Well, aren’t you sweet?
- Thank you for sharing.
- That’s so different!
- I don’t care what anybody says. I think she’s sweet.
- Good for you!
- I just love how you don’t care what people think.
- Pretty is as pretty does.
- You’re not married? There’s nothing wrong with that, honey. You work so hard.
Disclaimers
You can get away with saying just about anything as long as you follow it up with one of these:
- … but they mean well.
- … God love ’em.
- … but we love ’em.
- … but that’s not their fault. They just don’t know any better.
And, of course:
… bless their hearts.
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